Putting the Break in Breaking news.

Is it just me or does the phrase breaking news sound not positive? Watching the news you see a triple threat of doom, destruction and disunity. So I decided to write some no-holds-barred-in-your-face News parodies. *Viewer Discretion is Advised*

Todays Top news(purely fictional)(yes it really is fictional)
*For the first time atheists and religionists have teamed up to remove a poem from a school textbook containing the words "Goddamn" and "go to hell". Religionists have cited its offensive and derogatory nature. Atheists have said it goes against separation of church and state.

**Homeland Security has decided to question Robin Willliams on his role as the voice of a genie in the animated film Aladdin. A spokesperson says the government is suspicious of his "Arabian ties:. Also the rating of the filme has been changed from G to R for "strong thematic situations".

**Palestinian Hamas leader Soonhamdza has filed for divorce from his famous Danish baker wife citing irreconcilable differences. Close friends say he became distraught when a Danish Pastry fell out of his pocket during a political rally.

**Nasa researcher Siri Venda has been fired for calling a newly designed jet an "intelligent design". Prosecutors plan to ban all his groundbreaking physics research from school textbooks.

**"Dan Quail is suing Vice prez Dick Cheney for "assault with a deadly weapon". Representing Quail is Republican lawyer Mr. Whittington who, incidentally, was shot by the VP. Whittingtion denies having "any hard feelings"

** An Egyption filmmaker is suing all westerners for the film Brokeback Mountain. Apparentlu she made an earlier film about love between two archaeologists.(Full length feature Brokennose Sphynx) BB Mountain Director Ang Lee is unphased by the lawsuit because he is Chinese.

**U..N. inspectors have confirmed the U.S. allegations that China is stealing U.S. military secrets after the U.N. inspector ripped a made in USA sticker off of a Chinese nuclear bomb. Beijing authorities responded saying that the sticker was “made in China.”

**A western newspaper in an article on world religions, apparently misprinted the words "really bad guy" instead of the religious prophets real names. In a show of solidarity other newspapers have reprinted the misprint.

**An internet virus has ripped across cyberspace rendering inoperable millions of computers. Experts warn against opening e-mails with the title "FEMA".

Thank you for tuning we hope you join us next week in our discussion on how nuclear war can bring world peace...